♡ Entry 3
Tuesday, 14 November 2017 Posted at 08:02 0 comment(s)

♫ Sound of rain

I honestly feel like a waste of space. I don't think I'll ever be a nice person. I keep wanting to die. Everything and everyone annoys the fuck out of me. I don't have something or someone to lift my spirits up and be the reason why I still want to live. Nothing interests me. I feel like a huge waste.

Bad, I know. But it's the truth. This is how I truly feel. My whole existence is just one big, fat disappointment.

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♡ Entry 2
Saturday, 11 November 2017 Posted at 05:18 0 comment(s)

Nocturne in E-Flat Major, Op. 9, No.2 (Frédéric Chopin)

There's a week left.

I don't feel like I managed to do anything major during this semester break. I did some digital works, yeah but.. that's it. And the works aren't even worth putting in my portfolio. Just doing it for my own amusement. Also no animation or 3D modelling work whatsoever. I'm pretty much unprepared for next semester. Yikes.

So much for improving and learning. Even the just-for-fun artworks are made using "comfort zone skills". But I don't regret making them. It's fun. I just wish I'm not scared to step out of my comfort zone and experiment a little bit. I mean,, would it kill you? sheesh.

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♡ Entry 1
Wednesday, 8 November 2017 Posted at 03:45 0 comment(s)

 Victor's Piano Solo (Corpse Bride, 2005)

How long has it been since I last update this old blog? I don't know. I cannot know. Last time I was here I deleted all of my previous posts.. which I am now thinking it was a mistake. I could've at least revert them all to drafts. Kinda want to know how was it like before. Kinda want to see how I progressed in terms of loving and accepting myself.

Does it even matter?

This might be a bit biased as I am not in a self-loving state at the moment, but I don't think I have improved that much. I still have the same anger and hatred in me. Also, the newest (but not recent) addition: disgust. Although, I am not the only one who caused it. I wish I could take back those days of interacting with that person. I regret every second of interaction with that person.

I should've listened to mother. I should've listened to her.

Flashbacks would make me cringe and I would feel totally, utterly disgusted with myself. I hate for letting myself do such wrong things. I don't think I'm able to forgive myself, and that person, for the horrible things we've done. And I know I will not find peace but damn it. I can't find a place in my heart for forgiveness. I should've known better. But I was desperate and foolish. This is what I get for being stupid. What a fucking loser.

On the bright side, I don't compare myself to my cousin anymore. I count that as an improvement.

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